i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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