Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
