Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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