they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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