remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
