what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
