Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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