Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
