Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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