Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
