He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
