called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
