I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
