Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
