I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
tell me about the fingering
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