where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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