I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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