just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you had me at cake vodka
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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