Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
