is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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