To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
