My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
