I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
