So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need a beard to bite.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
