i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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