i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
