was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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