Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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