she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
