Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
