Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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