As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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