either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
