the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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