Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
