She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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