There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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