I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bring me that man meat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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