i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
