I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
