i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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