My hand turned me down
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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