White coat. Heels.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
