The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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