Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
