I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
