Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
