well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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