"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
