he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
