I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
