I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
