You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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