It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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