he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
