You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
