Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
