I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
