**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
