Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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