So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
