I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize