PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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