I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
