Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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